Yeah, I don’t recommend it

Yesterday was a living nightmare.

I did what my RA told me. I took my Ambien, Soma and that shit Cymbalta Wednesday night before bed. I do not recommend ever doing that. I was soooo…hell, drugged up, it wasn’t funny. I don’t even remember driving to work Thursday morning. I finally came home around noon because I just could not function. Everything was in slow motion. My skin was crawling. I felt numb. It was ugly.

When I got home I called Danielle before I could go into full panic mode. She told me my RA was stupid, which I fully agree with. I was telling her all of the symptoms and her diagnosis was that I was basically od’ing (without actually od’ing) with all of the meds in my system. I also called my RA’s office and told them what was going on. Their response…go to the ER and have my system flushed out. Before doing that however, I called Alicia, whom I just love from my GP’s office, and she was of a different opinion. She said that they wouldn’t flush my system for 30mg’s of Cymbalta. That I just needed to ride out the storm. I wasn’t really keen on that idea, but it beat the hell out of the ER option.

I consciously made the decision that I would not take any other meds until this shit was out of my system. In making this decision, I knew I would be in pain the today. It was a chance I was willing to take. By 3pm yesterday I had THE migraine from hell. I was already hurting before this, but I could handle it. But when the migraine started, all of the other pain intensified 100 fold. I wanted to just curl up and die. I couldn’t sleep either. Every time I tried my heart would speed up or slow way down. I was either too hot or too cold. It seemed like none of my systems were working right.

I finally laid down around 10:30 to try and get some sleep. I woke up a dozen times or so because I couldn’t get comfortable or the pain just got to be too much. I did get 3 hours solid sleep from about 6-9 am. Needless to say, I did not go into work today. There was no way in hell that was going to happen.

More results, more things wrong

Got a call from the RA’s office a week ago. The blood test results came back. Everything came back normal except one. I am Vitamin D deficient. Apparently extremely so. Normal levels are 30-90. Mine are at 6. I’m now on 50k units of Vitamin D once a week until further notice.

I went in to see the RA today for a follow up again. She asked how things were going with the meds I was on, etc. She wanted to try me on a drug called Cymbalta for the Fibro. I’ve heard of it, but didn’t know much about it. It’s an SSRI or some such thing. Anti-depressant. Umm…hello. No depression here. Why would you put me on an anti-depressant when I don’t have depression. Whatever. I’ll give it a go. I did make sure to ask her about all of the other meds I was taking and whether they should be taken with the Cymbalta. Her response was, oh yeah, you’ll be fine…let’s get a good start on this. Ok, fine.

So we’ll try it and see what happens.

Things just aren’t the same anymore

I have been meaning to update this place for quite some time now (been working on this post alone for almost two weeks) and I just haven’t been able to find the words to do so. Which, if I’m being honest, usually isn’t an issue.

The last post I wrote was written from a hospital bed. I was admitted because no one could figure out what caused the vision loss. Actually, if you want to get technical, they still haven’t given a complete diagnosis. Anyway…their best guess was a migraine induced stroke. The left occipital lobe just collapsed as far as they could tell. They put me through their MRI’s, CT’s, Echo’s, Spinal Taps…I could continue the list of shit they put me through for those 5 days, but I won’t bore you with that. The amount of blood they took from me during my stay was enough to feed a small colony of vampires. And the heart tests, jebus marie…at least I know I’m not going have a heart attack any time soon. And still, after all of that, nothing definitive. After all, a stroke is a stroke is a stroke and there isn’t a whole hell of a lot to be done about it.

Since being out of the hospital, I have seen countless specialists, again, with no real help. There is nothing in the world like not knowing what the hell caused your stroke in the first place. In turn, this not knowing, has caused my panic/anxiety attacks to worsen. Now that’s a treat. My husband loves when I start turning bright red and start to panic for no apparent reason.

Anyway, to summarize…I’ve been tested for everything. They (the dr.’s) had found nothing. The cardio couldn’t help as nothing is wrong with my heart. The neuro was just as useless. The neuroradiologist is the one who made the most since with the migraine stuff. He also ruled out the MS, which made me happy, and is the one who suggested I follow up with the rheumatologist. That though is a whole other post.

So I’m dealing with the vision loss and getting on with things. There isn’t much else I can do…

Well, isn’t that special

The main reasons Dr. Garcia had me do another MRI and referred me to a neuro was because of the results of my last MRI and the symptoms I am/was currently exhibiting.

My last MRI showed what they called “non-specific white matter disease” (basically lesions on my brain). I was told then that the lesions were “probably” caused by all of the years of migraines. They did not at the time, though I was offered the option for further testing, believe it was MS (multiple sclerosis). I guess MS shows in what they consider a pattern and mine did not have this. Seeing as I wasn’t exhibiting any of the symptoms I am now, we chalked it up to the migraines.

Anyway, Dr. Garcia wanted me tested again. Most of my symptoms mimic MS though so does Lupus and Fibro. But I suppose it’s better to test and rule out than to not test at all.

Oh, by the way, do you know how freaking scary it is when you’re doctor says she wants you tested for MS because you’re exhibiting all of the symptoms and then sends you on your way saying everything will be okay, you’ll be fine. I freaked. (Though in all fairness, I do that a lot anyway.) For close to a month I had this possible diagnosis, this black ugly cloud, hanging over my head. I was not a happy camper.

Anyway…

Today I went to go see the new neuro and get the results of the MRI. Let me just say, I did not like this doctor. He was extremely hard to understand (and not because of a foreign accent), just very bad communicative skills. When asked why I was there, I started with the migraines and proceeded to list the rest of the symptoms. His focus: the damn migraines. Screw everything else. Let’s spend most of your appointment discussing the migraines you’ve had for close to 15 years. Doesn’t matter that your exhibiting hells of other symptoms, we’re just going to talk about the migraines. After 30 minutes of this crap I was like look, Dr. Garcia wanted me to have this MRI because she felt there was a possibility of MS. He looked at me like I was stupid. (I had brought in my previous films and he had the readings from both tests, but yet he hadn’t even looked at them.) GAH! His reaction was to tell me that no, from what you’ve told me, you don’t have MS. What? From what I’ve told you? You’ve only focused on the damn migraines, you haven’t asked me about anything else!

It was only after I listed the other symptoms again did he do any further testing. You know, the balance test, the strength test, etc. I failed the balance test miserably. Everything else he seemed to be ok with. Whatever. When I asked him what he thought was going on, besides the freaking migraines, he was all like…I have a few theories, but I need further tests. Umm, ok. You care to elaborate on those theories? Apparently not, because he sent me on my happy way with a date to have my brain electroed. Something about testing my eye/ear to brain stem responses. Who the hell knows. All I know is I have an appointment next Friday to have this done.

Joy Joy

Just how the hell do you really know?

I found out earlier this week that my mother had a minor heart attack. She’s already had one (a major one), which resulted in a quadruple bypass. Well, they have determined that the quad is now blocked. It only took 7 years. She was lucky this time. They were able to put a stint in when they did the heart cath. The bad part: she’s under 60. The worse part: This shit runs rampant in my family, both fucking sides. Heart disease, carotid artery disease, uterine/ovarian cancer, breast cancer.

I am so screwed.

Anyway, back to my question…How the hell do you really know if you’re having a heart attack? I mean you see on television all the time how people clutch their chest and fall down in an wreathing ball of agony or just fall down and never get back up. But all of the real life people I know who have had one say it’s absolutely nothing like that. They say they thought they had heartburn, or that it was just some discomfort in their chest. WTF? Heartburn? Discomfort? I have this shit all the time. Am I supposed to go running to the ER every time I feel discomfort? Jesus Christ on a pogo stick! I’d be spending thousands of dollars a month if I did this. Like right now. I’ve got discomfort in my upper chest. Rather feels like a light pressure with a couple of twinges thrown in for good measure. Is this a sign of a heart attack? I mean, fuck. I just want some clear cut lines here folks.

A couple of years ago I was admitted into a heart unit, for whatever reason (they still don’t have a clue what happened), and ended up with wires running everywhere and hooked up to annoying little beeping machines for 48 hours and subjected to a chemical stress test. Oh my dear god…that’s something I don’t want to go through again. At that time all was grand. No blockages. *whew* But what about now? Am I freaking out for nothing? I mean this (see the whole discomfort thing up there ^) has been going on for a couple of weeks now. Can you have an attack for that long?

I suppose I will find out in about a week. Lovely, more fucking doctors. My favorite people of all time, second to dentists.