Things just aren’t the same anymore

I have been meaning to update this place for quite some time now (been working on this post alone for almost two weeks) and I just haven’t been able to find the words to do so. Which, if I’m being honest, usually isn’t an issue.

The last post I wrote was written from a hospital bed. I was admitted because no one could figure out what caused the vision loss. Actually, if you want to get technical, they still haven’t given a complete diagnosis. Anyway…their best guess was a migraine induced stroke. The left occipital lobe just collapsed as far as they could tell. They put me through their MRI’s, CT’s, Echo’s, Spinal Taps…I could continue the list of shit they put me through for those 5 days, but I won’t bore you with that. The amount of blood they took from me during my stay was enough to feed a small colony of vampires. And the heart tests, jebus marie…at least I know I’m not going have a heart attack any time soon. And still, after all of that, nothing definitive. After all, a stroke is a stroke is a stroke and there isn’t a whole hell of a lot to be done about it.

Since being out of the hospital, I have seen countless specialists, again, with no real help. There is nothing in the world like not knowing what the hell caused your stroke in the first place. In turn, this not knowing, has caused my panic/anxiety attacks to worsen. Now that’s a treat. My husband loves when I start turning bright red and start to panic for no apparent reason.

Anyway, to summarize…I’ve been tested for everything. They (the dr.’s) had found nothing. The cardio couldn’t help as nothing is wrong with my heart. The neuro was just as useless. The neuroradiologist is the one who made the most since with the migraine stuff. He also ruled out the MS, which made me happy, and is the one who suggested I follow up with the rheumatologist. That though is a whole other post.

So I’m dealing with the vision loss and getting on with things. There isn’t much else I can do…